Right, Mr Burton, I'd like a new film please. How about "Alice in Wonderland"? That will draw the crowds in by the title alone. What, you can make it 3D? Bonus! Quick, get to work!
Certainly, master!
Right, how am I going to turn these quirky little stories into a feature-length film? That could be a challenge... Films usually have a plot... Hmm...
Hold on, what have we here? "Instant Film! Simply add characters and special effects!" Ah, this could do the trick! Which flavour shall I use? How about this one: "Vanilla Epic Flavour. Evil ruler in control, good ruler in hiding, only a champion fighting an evil monster to the death can release the people from their suffering, enter champion, told of destiny, unsure of identity at first, recover magic weapon, go to battle, fight, win, people free, all live happily ever after."
Sounds promising, but I'm not sure - an epic battle between the forces of good and evil doesn't sound even remotely like Alice in Wonderland! No, I'm really going to have to think about this a bit harder... Hold on - what's this on the packaging? "Fed up of making new plots with every film? That's a thing of the past with Instant Film! All you have to do is add the other ingredients and then a blockbuster is guaranteed!"
Right, that's settled. I'll just chop up these old Lewis Carroll books, and stir them into the "Vanilla Epic Flavour Instant Film", and see what happens. Okay, let's get started. I suppose Alice will be the champion. The evil ruler? Queen of Hearts. What about the evil monster? Let's see ... Mr Jabberwocky, can you do that? Thank you. Who's next in line? Ah, the Cheshire Cat ...